Infinite Thoughts

We are so lucky to have the time to admire the beauty of the country we live in, peacefully. Thousands of innocent people are being killed, gassed and detained. They forgot how the sun rise looks like, or what color does a clear sky have. Neither grey nor foggy. Standing right now without fear, is a huge grace I have to thank Allah for. Why are we numb while, bloodshed is everywhere. Why are we lost while we are chosen to work hard for them after God’s sake, and to make the change. The world is messed up, and hope is fading. But No, who are we to lose hope if the people who are suffering keep saying “بكرا احلى” ->> “tomorrow is beautiful.”Abdulrahman, a prisoner who suffered in the Syrian prison for a year, once said, “Oh God, let the sun shine and hit my face, let me splash water on my skin, let me walk on my feet because I don’t want to crawl.”  And I say ” Oh Allah, give me strength and guidance. Let me be useful for the people in need, let me me be the light, the candle and the minaret as my name means.”

The Night We Met

Dear,

Not my lover, but my father

It’s 1:30 am, past midnight.

Awake because of the coffee i had with you, after running under the rain..

in an old Starbucks on P St NW, Washington DC, the only opened coffee shop..

Or maybe because of my heart beats, for you have the sweetest presence that pushes me to the top..

Excuse my fast pace, but i have spent my entire life rushing and running, away from pain..

For I didn’t have you, to hold my shaky, cold hands and whisper to me, “We made it. We will never give up!”

I have tried to hide my fear, tremor and anxiety, but with you, everything becomes real..

And as much as we physically have for life, i’ll be the woman you always wanted to be.

For you’re the roses in my dry field.

Sincerely,

Your Young Woman

To My Young Father

Dear,

Not my lover, but my father

When you say my name “Menar”, flowers bloom in my soul till the eternity

And this beam of light that sparkles in your eyes is full of sincerity

You are a deep ocean, a bird of paradise and a jasmine chain that collared my heart.

You’re not a transit camp for temporary stay, where your words are counted day by day

You blend my darkness with your white heart, my life becomes grey

Faith light up candles, and like the minaret, my heart called you to pray

You pulled my played soul from hell, to heaven,

And unconsciously, I’m trapped in you.

I won’t confess my love, to not loose you.

But your eyes will see through my veil,

Your beauty that flows in my all veins…

I hope those unspoken words will be caught by your eyes

Because then,

We’ll be side by side, surrounding our tight zone with love and cries.

Sincerely,

Your Young Woman

Press Forward

There was a young women, with an old mindset

She had dreams, love and smiles, but one day,

She was put down by an abuser who took her youth and energy for life

She was diagnosed with tremor, she was diagnosed with anxiety

She refused to take medicines because she believed that forgiving, forgetting and overcoming the hardship is the solution

She believed that herself and God are the only effective treatments with zero side effects

like a small ship in an ocean waves took her a way from her destination

to a dark road full of holes, echoes and betrayers

She felt down but stood up stronger, she resisted

She got punched in her face because of her beliefs, yet, she continued believing

Once she found love, home and warmth

but love didn’t hold her, and as soon as she felt unwanted, she quit, because dignity was the only definition she was taught not to quit   

days and months passed, hardships killed and collapsed her pure soul

Is it her fault because she had a naive heart?

Like a Sailor her pain navigated away, once she saw the light of God in her dream, she smiled

like a small bird in a cage, once opened, she couldn’t do anything but fly

fly and fight for your comfort and dreams, flee away from pain, keep shining like a diamond and never underestimate who you are!

Inside Me

My body is not my own …
My hair is a crown that should be covered from the peering eyes of peasants for I am queen…
My ankles are a sign of fertility only the man who intends on marrying me can see…
My hips and curves are hills and mountains of hidden pleasures and sin…
I am judged on the outer layers and not on what lies within …
My body is not my own …
My mother says it’s a home for her grandchildren who remain unborn…
My father says I am the pride and honor to protect he has sworn…
Aunties snigger at my coyness and say wait until your blossom unfolds…
The treasure between my legs is more valuable than gold …
My body is not my own …
A prisoner to the values society put in place …
Experiencing the unwanted touch of a stranger at a young age …
Burdened with the guilt and silenced by the shame …
It’s sickening how easily the victim is blamed …
Shrouded in black I morn the carcass that holds my soul …
My body is not my own …

Let’s Go Together

Silence might be the solution because sometimes it’s better to say nothing and just remain in a dignified silence. I have lost my words, stopped talking and forgot how to type. The only thing I still hear and feel is my heart beats as they are beating for you.
Let’s go, as we are:
a free lover and her poet.
What fell in January’s snow,
wasn’t enough, so smile
we will soon return to our tomorrow, behind us
where we were young in love’s beginning,
playing Romeo and Juliet
and learning Shakespeare’s language..
the butterflies have flown out of sleep
as a mirage of a swift peace
that adorns us with two stars
and kill us in the struggle over the name between two windows
so, let’s go
and let’s be kind to each other
let the soul heal, and the sun rise
for my days have been dark and
I have been lost in your maze,
so come and save me, but please
be nice.

Sinner

O, you who commit the sins
Of neglecting away this heart of mine…
O, you who corrupt them all
The flowers in my fields of youth…
Oh, the distaste to me you have given
And Loving you still but you never gave in
I have sacrificed, All my hours and my seconds for you
O, the sinner that you are …
And in a deal of treachery you have sold me,
So thank you much, the sinner that you are…
_______
اه يا جاني على الفؤاد اللي رماني
اه يا جاني زهر شبابي في جناني
ياما جاني الجفا منك
وحبي إلك ماجاني
ضحيتلك بالساعات والثواني
اه يا جاني
بعتيني في سوق الغدر
شكرا اذا يا جاني

Blooming Chances

My romantic mood turns into sweetness and roses
Suddenly,my sweetheart I just feel in love with love
Life opens up for me blooming with many chances
I find you all around me and on me over and above

In the Face of Death

We put a red rose in a bomb that luckily didn’t kill us.

Keep the bomb/vase filled with water, don’t let it die.

Remove dead leaves, because around it, it is fuss.

Just like humans,

flowers need sun shine and a clear sky, or they would dry.

___

You may hurt my feelings but wait,

I have sailed a million ceilings.

My eyes have seen bloodshed and war,

I have fought battles with integrity and I swore.

You may have proved how harshly special you are,

Yet, I have showed you how kindly special I am,

Just like a shining star.

~M                                                                                                                           December 30, 2016

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